Jokes 4 Mobiles Make your phone smile

Whats yellow and blue and has a tight ass at one end?

A Lidl's carrier bag.

Two priests are off to the locker room late one night.
They undress and step into the showers before they
realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to

Why do men have their best ideas during sex?

Cos they're plugged into a genuis!

What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?

A clit round the ear and a flap across the face.

A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife and said 'Babe, tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.'

Two rats in a sewer.
The first says 'I'm sick of eating shit all day'.
The second replies 'Cheer up, we're on the piss tonight'.

A woman asked her hubby if he knew how she could make her bust bigger.

He said try rubbing toilet paper between your tits once a day, it worked for your arse!

A German guy approaches a prostitute.

"I vish to buy sex viz you."

"OK," says the girl, "I charge 200 euros an hour."

"I got to warn you I am a little Kinky

'Doctor, would you please kiss me' says the patient.
'No, you are a very beautiful woman but it's against my code of ethics' replies the doctor.
'Please, just one kiss' she pleads.

When Beckham scores I drink BECKS, when Scholes scores its SKOL, when Liam Miller scores its MILLER. Thank god David Seaman is a goalkeeper.