Jokes 4 Mobiles Make your phone smile

I was testing the children in my local Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

How do you spot madness?

Suggs coming up the driveway.

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Sometime in the future, George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the Devil.

My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed
to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that
'Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.'

Why did the washing machine laugh.

It was taking the piss out of the pants.

This is a genuine complaint to Devon & Cornwall Police Force from an angry member of the public
A true email sent to the force, lengthy but brilliantly written.....

Lady takes her dress in the dry cleaners and asks for it to be cleaned. The man is deaf and says 'Come Again?'.
The lady blushes and says 'No it yoghurt this time'.

A recent survey asked 100 sexually active women if their twat twitched after sex.

98% replied "no, he just rolls over and goes to sleep"

Labour is to change its emblem to a condom as it allows inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks & gives a sense of security while your being screwed.